Cartoon – pen & watercolour 9″ x 12″
artwork & content Copyright 2008 Jean Burman
If you’ve ever been left holding the door for an endless stream of otherwise-occupied people… (in an act of kindness gone madly wrong)…
If you’ve ever stepped aside at the checkout to allow someone with one item to go through first… (only to have the fully laden grocery trolley suddenly materialise from nowhere)
If you’ve ever pulled back in traffic to allow a car to merge into your lane (and four more barge in as well… without so much as a wave of thanks)
(I could go on… 
)
you will have experienced first hand the distressing modern day phenomenon of bad manners.
My father used to say “I’d give anything away… but I don’t like having it taken from me”
It’s not so much that you want them to reciprocate… it’s just that you wish things could be different… and that if they were going to be so downright rude… you’d hope they could be a little more courteous about it! (chuckles)
Good manners.. not to be confused with “etiquette” which is a whole ‘nother kettle of comparatively insignificant fish… is definitely going out of style!
No longer taught in schools… and less valued or encouraged at home… this next generation could be forgiven for not having an ice-cube’s hope in hell of dealing… (with decorum and grace)… with the burgeoning wave of bad manners, inconsideration, disrespect and self-centred boorishness that is fast becoming the norm in modern society. And no… it’s not just the young who are at fault. It seems that we more mature folk (ahem)… who were taught well… have either forgotten our P’s & Q’s… or have choosen to abdicate from our responsibility to pass them on! ~grin~
Fred Astaire
The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
If you have ever wondered what cyber rage… road rage… supermarket rage (and any other type of rage you’d care to mention) had in common… wonder no more. All forms of modern “rage” from the superficial to the full scale global variety… have their origins in the loss of what we humans used to value highly and used to do rather well. Once upon a time… common courtesy… consideration… tolerance… and good manners were the order of the day. It made things tick. It made us feel good about ourselves and others. It gave us a rudder to steer ourselves by.
That was… until there were too many of us on the planet!
I blame population growth… an increasing anonymity… and the consequential loss of our sense of “community”. Anonymity provides the perfect cover for the rude and ignorant… who espouse the attitude
“No-one knows me… no-one can see me… I can do and say what I like”.
Back in the day when everyone “knew” someone… or at least… knew someone who knew someone else who knew you (if you know what I mean! LOL)… we all had to be accountable for our actions. “Reputation” was everything. Now there are no consequences… and someone’s pulled the pin on the checks and balances!
Confucius
Consideration for others is the basic of a good life, a good society.
These days… what we seem to have is a bunch of anonymous “out of control” people. They look like everyday people but hand them a mobile (cell) phone or a mouse… put them behind the wheel of a car… or in charge of a supermarket trolley (not to mention… in charge of a country! ~grin~) and those who would be war mongers grow horns… cruising the supermarket aisles and roads…. and surfing the superhighways of the planet with “virtual” impunity! Unwilling and unlikely to take responsibility for their words let alone their actions… there appears to be no cure for this run away condition! *wink*
Eric Hoffer
Rudeness is a weak imitation of strength.
Except… of course… for you and me! And what are we going to do about it?
Well I guess we’re going to do what we’ve always done. We’re going to continue to hold the door… defer to others at the supermarket checkout… and pull over to let someone else into our lane!
And why?
No… not because we are stupid… or for some perverse reason we feel the need to go around looking for punishment!
No…. we are going to keep doing it because it’s the right thing to do… and someone’s got to do it! We need people to once again set the example. Besides… if enough of us do it… it might even become trendy and fashionable… and the pendulum may swing (ever so laboriously) back the other way.
Oh… how I wish it would be so… *sigh* (((chuckles))))
Arthur Schopenhauer
Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax.
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
Hooley dooley Jean!! This will release a surge of stories I am sure!! The first thought that comes to my mind, is…how many people I let pass me in a stream of people, knowing that I will not be able to keep up the pace number one..but also because I do not want to be rude and stop everyone elses flow! My father used to tell me that “good manners will take you far!” As children, my brother and sister and I were browbeaten about “pleases and thankyous”, we always had to ask for the use of anything and were taught to give up our seats for those who needed them more – which always led to compliments such as “lovely children!” Other “good manners” taught to us were “Your hands and mouth should never be full at the same time (rest your knife and fork while you chew), never speak with your mouth full and do not speak until you are spoken to…another favourite of Dads was “children should be seen and not heard!!!” I must admitt that I am not as ruthless as he was (17yrs in the army taught him discipline!) But I do insist on “good manners” from all who enter my home..if not, then I make a point of clearly defining what I expect! I think that selfishness, the race against time and “disposable people” (people who do not hang around for long!) are all accountable for the rudeness that prevails in our society. I have been known to shame people publicly and voice my concerns quite loudly, towards their obnoxious behaviour (many a red faced child or adult has at least thought twice during a split second of my attitude when it comes to good manners!) I think that respect has become an “old fashioned” word and that modern can mean ignorant!
I practise “good manners” because it makes me feel better. roger
Thanks for your comment Jools
We grew up with”old school” rules Jools… (heck that even rhymes!!! chuckles) I think you are quite right that selfishness the race against time and disposable people are also to blame for the decline in the popularity of (un) common courtesy. The disposable people notion is definitely part of the scenario… not sure about where you are… but here where I live the population is extremely transient. Modern life is less conducive to people putting down roots and nurturing their existence in one place. Which brings us back to the anonymity factor.
As my youngest daughter would say Roger… “damn straight!”! LOL
btw you must be just about due to leave on your next adventure? The 11th isn’t it? We’ll miss you here… so check in if you can from the ship. Daily updates would be good… but will understand if you are having too good a time! Bon Voyage Roger… enjoy…
Ah yes we had the upbringing that considered others “Remember there ARE others ”
and that bit me back one evening after work when I was doing a quick shop , teenage boys with me who were hanging around the other side of the check out. Gent comes up with a large piece of meat and asked if he can go through before me ….”Fast check out two up ” says me….I get through and son asks what was the head master saying to you ? I have never forgotten that feeling as the red rushed up my face
A colleague treating me to lunch in a country inn ,held the door for me and another lady swept through ….he called after her ” Scuse me ,sorry ? She turned back saying “Oh I didn’t say anything” Then John replied “Oh I thought you said thanks, my mistake ” and I flushed red again .
Having good manners can also mean helping others less fortunate than yourself, re: letting others pass, or others in front. Yes Roger, being kind and helping others makes me feel very good! After an afternoon of 8 teenagers bouncing off my walls and furniture (and yes damaging my belongings!!) I stood at the door of my loungeroom after a silent appraisal of the situation…and announced to the sweaty mob, that “they were welcome to hang out in my home. In fact I enjoyed having them there. But….if they did not show common courtesy and respect for home and the contents, they would not make it through that door again!” Needless to say, that scenario did not happen again (phew!!) And now each and every kid always makes a point of finding me to say hello when they arrive. They take off their shoes at the front door and sit quite nicley in my loungeroom! They even call me “Mrs Julie!!” I feel like I have been accepted as one of the pack! But..without that confrontation, explaining the manners I expected – the cease fire would not be going on. If the young ones are not pulled up and gently persuaded to see the errors of their ways (or at least the errors of their attitude!) then they will most certainly continue with the tirade of “who cares!” And that…is what it is all about , “caring!” I think too, that good manners requires a constant effort and too many people have laxed into a state of laziness..”could not be bothered” and that is a crying shame as life IS so much better when people care.
Very funny stories both E! (((LOL))) Oh to be a fly on the wall… that headmaster was out of line anyway… and the lady sweeping through? What was her name? I think I know her… (((chuckles)))
Jools… just retrieved your comment from the spam filter (again) I have no idea why the programming here keeps doing that (may be something to do with your Dodo email address…. but who knows? Anyway… apologies there… not within my control unfortunately!
Sounds as though you have those young people well and truly sorted! Good on you… some parents these days just put up and shut up… (the thin end of the wedge)… and before long situations are out of control and unable to be fixed. I think that’s what’s happening now with the out of control teenage parties that are popular these days. These kids don’t seem to be familiar with having to consider others or respect property. Sad. Because to be happy we humans NEED to consider others and show kindness to one another. It’s better to learn it sooner rather than later I;m sure you’d agree!
Oh totally Jean…I consider that to be part of my “job description!”. I will joke around with kids and have a laugh, but they are still learning about themselves and how to behave. If we don’t “guide” them, they do not grow up to be functioning, responsible adults. I do not “rule” with an iron fist…but sometimes my looks can be “steely!”, and once my point has been made – they are usually much more obliging to be polite and courteous. Then everyone is happier! No hidden barriers.
I know that when I venture out shopping…especially when I’m in a rush…I often hide in a cloak of annoynimity. It protects me from having to engage in thoughts other than my tasks on hand. But I’m often shaken out of this isolation when a friend calls to me from across the store and wakes me from this “stupor”. Thank Goodness! At the same time however, I despise those that barrage through a store with cell phone in hand and visibly, AUDIBLY , and demonstrably isolate themselves from others in their immediate surroundings by callously engaging in private conversations. They look ridiculous talking to the air…and I take offense at the easy dismissal of my person in their immediate presence. I’ve been diminished or objectified in their eyes…dehumanized. There is no longer an obligation to regard the people around one as human…just “other”. It’s interesting to note that through history ethics and civility has almost inevitably trotted along at a much slower pace than techonological “advances”. Some day perhaps morals and manners will catch up with modern advances. But in the meanwhile, those of us who see the world in a different light will continue to hold the doors, make eye contact and smile…with the hope of kindeling perhaps a spark in that stranger…reminding him/her that we are, indeed all human…filled with the same potential to feel, love and relate.
Love your cartoon and commentary Jean! Always so thought-provoking!
Mary my sturdy trusty walking stick has cracked ankles of people standing chatting in the aisles…….I always say “OhSorry” with a large smile
Lol Elinor…I have been so tempted to do the same thing! Though I must say that I have taken to Emily with them (crutches) while out shopping!! People are horrified..LOL!
I remember once when I was wee young lass (about 16 or so) I was all dressed up to go to a job interview to work in a shop. I was hurrying along the footpath, heading to the appointment. I noticed a man in a suit coming towards me (in the opposite direction) on his own mission to go somewhere. He nodded at me and smiled, I returned the gesture…next thing I knew, he had turned around and called out to me. He told me “Thankyou so much for being a breath of fresh air! Your smile has made my day” and then he gave me a lovely badge with a daisy on it…and then he went on his way!! I shall never forget that! ..and if people do make eye contact with me, I always smile or comment on the weather. It is sooooo easy to do and makes others feel good as well! Trouble is that nowadays people are afraid to make contact as they fear you could be a “looney tune” and they do not want any drama! I also once passed an old man dying in a street gutter in Sydney. I was singing at a nightclub that night and rushed into the bar calling out for someone to ring an ambulance..but no one did!!! They said “Oh Julie..that happens every night of the week, don’t worry about it!!!” I was horrified to say the least! No one wanted to be “involved”!!! I never returned to that nightclub.
Thanks for mentioning the cartoon Mary… so glad you liked it!
Of course Mary… I reckon we’re all entitled to private time and the absolute joy of “being anonymous” … I was more referring to those people who use that anonymity to be rude to (or to disregard) others. Road rage is a classic… some people believe that when they are in their car no-one knows them so they can be as bad mannered as they like… ducking and weaving through traffic… pushing in and generally behaving like a kamikaze pilot on steroids. Same goes for cyber rage… the new fangled way of relieving the frustrations of the day by zinging others and signing it “anonymous”. Covers a multitude of sins that one! LOL The artcafe of course is exempt from this assessment… with some of the best and kindest people on the planet frequenting there! And here too of course… I count my blessings everyday for the kindness and generosity of good friends here on my blog!
Elinor McCartney! Cracking ankles? I don’t believe it! (((LOL))) Good on ya… some of us need a wake up call! LOL
Jools… It’s a sad day when people no longer care. And it’s a sad day too when people have to lose their innocence in order to survive in today’s mad world. I loved your story of the smile and the daisy badge. These days we’d have to caution our kids to beware. There is a wonderful old man down the road from me who for years and years would go out to talk to the school kids waiting at the bus stop outside his home. He would hand out sweets… and looked forward to seeing them each day. (Generations of kids remember him) The day eventually came though… when his (adult) daughter who lived next door had to put a stop to it. What was okay 20 years ago was no longer okay. He was heart broken. He couldn’t understand why anyone would see his actions and intentions as anything other than what they were… kindness and friendship. I saw him again the other day as I walked past his house… now very elderly and with dementia… he leaned out the window and yelled at me. It made me very sad.
It WILL… be a sad day when nobody cares Jean! I am sooooo thankful I am who I am…and will try to keep caring. I have been thinking about your last reply all day today. Those ponders led me to thinking that . I cannot just sit, and not care…. what good is that??
Good onya Jools That smile means a lot I try to smile or speak to a wheelie person as since I am one myself I hate to be ignored while people speak to my engine (usually Carson) Then while I used to shop in Tighnabruaich amongst all the bus visitors (hoards of em ) We would smile and say “Good morning “etc all we would get back were stares and a late nod sometimes a smile as they came to realize we were not taking the micheal .
I have just watched an incredible documentary about the Oasis Crisis Centre in Sydney operated by the Salvation Army for homeless and drug addicted youth. Gosh… what a wake up call it was! Along with the tragedy of these wasted young lives… were the few hopeful stories among them… of young men and women who had overcome the odds and risen above their terrible circumstances to go on to lead fulfilled and useful lives. All possible because someone cared… and two remarkable people Paul Moulds and his wife Robin have never given up… no matter how bad things got. It was a truly uplifting and inspiring story. So glad I watched it.
Here is the link for those who may be interested. The documentary can be viewed here as well.
http://www.abc.net.au/tv/oasis/about/synopsis.htm
Sounds like a truly “good” story Jean. I shall ‘look it up!’
When I did the Artorama Childrens Festival of Arts (about 13-14 yrs ago) my inspiration came from the fact that many children are left up to their own devices to “find” some fun..or to get away from troublesome issues at home. My belief was (and still is!!) to introduce kids to a wider field of the arts…before they became teenagers, so that their scope was wider and their choice was clearer with where and what they could do..instead of reaching for drugs and “trouble”..so they felt worthwhile. Within the week of activities there was kite making and flying, photography, leadlight art, dance and craft from Norfolk Island, wood turning, a science lab and a show…over 2000 kids participated in those workshops – it was brilliant!! Another thing I did for 4 yrs, was teach drama on a volunteer basis at a local school. That was such a rewarding experience as I discovered that the shy and perhaps inept kids were quite often the best performers. All they needed was some confidence instilled by someone they looked up to and then their lives changed forever. I still have kids (now adults!!) coming up to me to tell me they remember me and how much fun they used to have. I have kept a pile of handmade cards and drawings made by children thanking me for helping them…that blows me away as I did not expect the returning appreciation so much! Another “thing” that I did as a volunteer was to organise The Worlds Biggest Bush Dance….over 700 people dancing around a football field!! That was inspired by the thought that families do not have enough simple fun together, in their lives, plus I wanted to join the community (which was only a small town!) together in one activity. It worked..athough we did not break the record, but to see so many people all aspiring to reach a common goal was fantastic!! There are so many worthwhile organisations in the world that aim to help others – I salute them all! Giving time and energy to others is something to be admired and emulated….it really does mean so much to so many. I could have gone the “wrong way”..well actually I kind of did!! But…through my own experiences and seeing the difference – I chose to shake my head and then hold out my hand to reach out to other kids . It was hard and sometimes that has backfired and has hurt me, but overall…it has been a fruitful existence. There may be a few bruised apples in the barrel of life, but those apples are quite often very, very sweet!
Very true Jools… and so well put! Your life to date has certainly been a well rounded adventure that has no doubt helped many many people. Without people like you…willing to go that extra mile for others… the world would be a very much poorer place!
Re: the doco. What amazed me was the tenacity and resilience of Paul Moulds and his wife Robin. As a parent I know how worn down and frazzled you can get… but these two sidle up to problems and dramas on a daily basis… that most of us could not conceive in our worst nightmares! But yet… they continue to do it. Hearing this strong “gentle” man speak one has got to wonder from whence he came! Awe inspiring stuff.
Its my bet Jean, that he had to do it tough himself. But..somewhere along the line, some one reached out to him and made ALL the difference! I was watching a show about the RSPCA the other night and there was a new phenomenon called “Compassion Fatigue”…I believe it is a very real syndrome. If we had more people who cared about animals as well as other people – would that syndrome exist???
You’re right Jools. He has done it tough. Adopted out at birth… the doco also tracks his endeavours to find his own mother.
Compassion fatigue? What a descriptive name! LOL
I guess I can kind of understand it though. We are very much brow beaten into submission (these days) to give generously to this charity or that… and I don’t mind giving… but I really resent the heavy handed tactics of some of the larger organisations. I draw the line at being chased through the shopping mall… or subjected to persuasive coercion by people raising money over the phone… esp. when you know that the greater percentage of any charitable donation will go straight into administration coffers.
No wonder the population is fatigued! LOL
But seeing real people doing the real work on the ground to help people really makes me want to help. This kind of documentary is the best kind of wake up call.
What we should do is….stop bitchin’ ….and start workin’! How can we judge, when we do nothing ourselves.
I now do a fair bit of shopping via the “Net” and look forward to a certain delivery chappie bring the goods . He reminds me of someone but I can’t remember or place who that is .Anyway he always greets me with a huge smile and a “How are you to-day Mrs McCartney” Time for a wee chat as I sign his machine and that has been about driving ,cars, weather,It doesn’t matter what the subject is HE MAKES MY DAY !
Now where shall I shop to-day ?
Aaaahhh – the pleasantries of knowing GOOD service E!!! I always shop at “Woolworths” as I know the checkout chicks there and I know that they will always smile at me and maybe have a chat going through their checkout..makes the whole arduous task of grocery shopping that much better!! A smile costs you nothing and leaves less wrinkles than a frown!!
Jools QUOTE What we should do is….stop bitchin’ ….and start workin’! How can we judge, when we do nothing ourselves UNQUOTE
Hey… who’s bitchin’?
Elinor… HE might make your day… but YOU, dear lassie, always make me smile!
A term of endearment Jean! Lots of people “bitch” about good and bad manners, but we all, are capable of “passing the buck”…myself included!!!
I coach lacrosse at a high school on L.A.’s east side. My team is one hundred percent latino, and I feel blessed to be working with such a courteous, thoughtful, respectful group of young men. If I have something to carry from my car to the field, or vice versa, one or more will invariably come up to see if I want help. (When I coached at an upscale parochial school that never happened. If I ever asked for volunteers they all suddenly went deaf.) When we take the bus to an away game, every one of them thanks the driver before getting off. I have a freshman, a lanky kid and terrific athlete, who always responds to suggestions or coaching with “yes, sir,” or “thank-you, sir.” I’ve seen them stop what they’re doing to help another boy who needs it. These young men make me realize all may not be lost.
Would you agree it’s a cultural thing John? It appears (to me at least) that the more “developed” the country and the more “advanced” the culture… the less regard there is for this kind of civility. In places where family values are still important… respect and consideration for others is the expected norm. Asia is more like this than Australia. Why? Because the extended family unit is (for the most part) still intact. And perhaps too… because religion is still regarded as an important “discipline”.
Throughout many Asian cultures… children respect their parents and elders… even as adults. They grow up knowing full well that the chain of responsibility for the family will fall to them as their parents grow old. It’s a whole different picture to the culture of indifference which has sprung up over recent generations in countries like ours.
Your lacrosse team sound like a bunch of really decent young people… what a joy it must be to be their coach and to have the privilege of influencing their futures in such a positive way. It sounds like a rewarding experience for everyone involved! You’re right that all may not be lost… with kids like these being nurtured in the right way… the future is bright and hopeful. And of course… not all parents are shirking their responsibilities as child raisers. There are good kids everywhere… (just as there are good people). It’s just a shame that there are not more of them!
Oh John….I raise my hat to you!! What a “special” thing you experienced! I have felt that myself and love it!! Yes…there is hope. I think, it is not so much of a cultural thing as such, because I see it most days in my own street. Its just called…. taking the time to be aware of what and who is around you and much you appreciate that!
I was speaking more in general terms Jools… the cultural thing being a “general trend” and of course… nothing absolute. We all know individuals who are courteous and respectful… but I stand by my belief that these qualities are valued far less in society as a whole nowadays. Sad but true.
Well..perhaps we could say that it is more of a “social” attitude rather than a cultural one. That sociality is brought about by the “lack” of time…hence the “lack” of time to be curteous. We are too busy to think about anything other than where we are going and what is holding us up (people in queue, traffic jams, being put on “hold” when on the phone). There was far more respect when we had the time to understand what respect is….the days of my grandmother, of my mother growing up. People were not as rushed, not as stressed. IMHO..I think it is a symptom of “modern technology”. I have met some incredibly rude Asians, they may respect their family members (generally), but they CAN be extremely rude when traveling or using their mobiles, or computers. In my experience I see that they are just as rude as any western citizen.
You’ve got a point Jools. But again I was talking more in general terms… not about individuals… and more about the culture of people (within their own society). There are rude and disrespectful people the world over… (esp. tourists of pretty much every stripe… and oddly enough some migrants) but when the trend towards rudeness and discourtesy becomes ingrained into “what’s normal and expected” in a society… IMO it soon becomes absorbed into the culture of that society.
For example… my son and his girlfriend returned from Russia last year horrified by the level of discourtesy and rudeness they found there… (she is Russian by birth) but even she had forgotten how bad it could be! You could say that when times get tough… people resort to “essentials” abandoning such trivial things as good manners… and I guess this could be what happened there. Every day is a fight for survival of the fittest… the rich do well… the poor not so good. And individuals get literally trampled.
This is especially so in the big cities like Moscow where there is less of a sense of “community” and people are more anonymous. (There’s that “anonymous” word again)
Out in the country where she comes from there is less of a problem… yet it is still permeated throughout all of Russian society. They told us of this (rather hilarious if it weren’t so serious) story of road rage gone rampant when the family car (a brand new top of the range Mercedes) was rammed in a fight to the death “barging” incident where neither driver cared about the damage done… just as long as they got to where they wanted to go… first! The shops were no better… where the pair were sent packing and told to “f off” (in Russian of course) for entering a shop to buy a bottle of water. The woman was clearly having a bad day! LOL Of course in isolated instances the same thing happens here… but it’s not across the board.
I agree that there was far more respect back in the day… back when people had more time for it… and therein lies my concern. If courtesy and consideration are not high on the list of priorities for people these days… they will soon disappear.
When a country’s social fabric begins to unravel… is does affect the culture of that country.
And I don’t want that to happen here.
I don’t feel like the hat should be raised to me, Jools, but to my boys. I’m grateful to them for opening my eyes. The beauty of it is that I go to practice every day with a sense of joy because they’re giving back to me every day in so many ways.
I understand exactly what you’re saying, Jools, but Jean is right on the money about the “cultural” question. It’s especially evident here in L.A., where there are cultural divides and cultural conflicts. Huntington Park, where I coach, is a latino suburb, and the culture remains much purer than in other places. In this area there’s a strong sense of family, and deeply protected values. One of the interesting things is that the parents view teachers and coaches with deep respect, and wouldn’t dream of intruding on their “turf.” The parents’ respect for authority is passed on to their children, and it becomes very obvious in my day to day dealings with these kids. This is very unlike the school where I used to coach, where the parents felt it was their obligation to tell the coach how to do his job. At the same time it’s impossible to ignore the strong connection, the love and sense of duty, between these young men and their parents.
I see what you are saying Jean and can appreciate the taste that bad manners can leave in ones mouth! I guess that since my pace has slowed enormously I have noticed far more things. It is only because I am not in a hurry that I “feel” what is going on rather than see it. I am in slow motion while everyone is geared up a notch or two..and they “feel” nothing. I am so thankful that I am not in a big city, I just would not survive….speed and faceless rudeness is contagious there! However even in my hometown (which is about 42,000 population) the “pace of the race” is growing, it scares me actually. I think that we are all in the middle of “the quickening”, where all human consciousness is meeting and creating the whirlpool or suction of knowledge….heightened by technology. We cannot maintain this pace…we have to slow down and literally smell the roses very, very soon!
John… over here we have “soccer” mums and dads. It’s a case of parents behaving rather badly I’m afraid. Umpires have been bashed. And small children have been abused from the sidelines by someone else’s parent. As for the coaches… well… in amongst the melee they probably don’t get a look in! LOL No… it doesn’t happen at every game… but it does happen. How can kids learn how to behave when adults can’t… (or won’t). In fairness though… soccer crowds do get pretty rowdy and unruly the world over… maybe it’s something in the water?! ~grin~
It’s so good to hear that some groups have still got it all together… as your Latino community has.
I believe that we in the so-called West ignore the loss of these strong cultural values at our peril. Whatever divides us makes us weak. And weak is not a good way to be in the world we now inhabit. The cultivation of courtesy and respect and the nurture of the family unit is essential to western culture’s ability to survive (and thrive) into the future. But that’s just what I think.
Jools… can really relate to what you’re saying… that you “feel” what’s going on rather than just seeing it. It seems as though I have lived my whole life on full volume. Experiences are “felt” first… then seen and heard later. The memories that are most indelibly etched… are the ones that hurt the most and felt the best. Odd isn’t it? LOL
Yes it is odd Jean. I do not really want to recapture anything from my past (took me a while to consider that at length!!), but what I do WANT to do, is create some new memories that will stay not just with me…but with others who have been kind to me. I want to help as many people as I can..even if it is only in the form of cheering them up for just a few hours..which in turn makes me feel good! I’m afraid though..that I have to forget my manners (I have to hold my breath and stamp my feet!!) to make other things happen to enable me to do this!! The wheels are in motion though!
I think it’s quite okay to get the gloves off when necessary Jools! It would be foolish to be polite and considerate to someone who is walking all over us. It’s a shame to have to do it… but until everyone on the planet subscribes to the concept of courtesy respect and consideration for others… I’m afraid we have little choice but to (at the very least) defend ourselves! LOL You’ve been through a lot… it’s great to hear the wheels are at last in motion!
Thanks Jean!!!
Jean.. my 78 yr old mother has to have surgery..actually 2 seperate amounts. First she has to have her third varicose veins surgery, to enable her to have surgery on her knee..which is collapsing (people make jokes about who is worse off!). She has had deep vein thrombosis (due to myself!!!!) and that in turn causes a major risk for any surgey to come. My Biggest concern is that I cannot look after her – post surgery. It tears my heart apart…I only found this out today. I have been at a total loss because I cannot help my mother at the age of 44!!!
Sorry …just venting!!
Perhaps some Asian values would come in handy about now!!
Sorry to hear that Jools. You know… you can only do what you can do. Your mother I’m sure will understand.
She is scared and I don’t blame her. The good thing is that because she is a Veterans widow..she gets private coverage at a private hospital…I am soooo glad about that!! The really weird thing is she is seeing the “bright” new surgeon in town, the one I had hoped to see next…but ran out of money!!! How ironic!
John..I am so sorry . I did not see your reply many paragraphs ago!!!! When you speak of other nationalities ..I do see what is being said. I have dated an Italian man lately..whom I have known for years and years (went through school with). We seemed to really click, until it became evident that I would have to change who I was to be accepted into his family (my values.. and my past!!). He is a first generation Italian here in this country..so his heritage is very strong. I’m afraid I could not come up to the “line”. First… because , physically I just can’t!!!! Secondly…I am too “modern” for his parents (even though I am SUCH a lovely girl!!). This only became apparent to me recently, after pondering …”what the hell happened??” I do not look at it as an insult at all..I know what I can deal with in that regard, so I am not judging them at all, I just know that the cultures are different…ok – cultural backgrounds are part of it too. When reference was made to just one culture..my hackles raised..my apologies!!!!!
Jools QUOTE When reference was made to just one culture…my hackles raised..UNQUOTE
Why Jools… you don’t like Asians? ~grin~