Cartoon Pen & Watercolor © 2011 Jean Burman
I tend to think a lot about happiness. I think most of us do.
It’s a desirable state.
But what actually is happiness?
And can we really expect to be happy all – the – time?
Would we even want to be?
Happiness is temporary. It comes and goes in our minute by minute experience. Someone cracks a joke and we laugh… or says something nice and we smile… or does something funny or great and it makes us happy.
Sometimes we notice. Sometimes we don’t. And other times… the moment comes and goes before we even realise we’ve been there!
Once said of happiness… “what goes up must come down” and as a natural consequence “the bigger they are the harder they fall“ I rest my case [grin]
Contentment on the other hand is a state of being. A generalised feeling of comfort and well-being we can live with for days weeks or months at a time. The stars are aligned and all is right with our world.
So which is better do you think?
[And don't be a smarty pants here and tell me "both" okay? grin]
I’m asking you to choose!
What if we choose to be happy? Will we then be plummeted to the depths of despair when we don’t have it?
And what if we choose to be content? Are we selling out? And what’s more… missing out… on the dynamic highs and disastrous lows that are the hallmarks of the happiness state?
There is an artistic metaphor here for sure. Artists look for the light. It’s the light that falls on the subject that makes the subject jump to life. And the balance of light and dark in a painting that makes the subject appear real.
Is this the same for life?
Do we need the dark to see the light?
Zen Buddhist monks [a huge fan of the Dalai Lama] espouse meditation to achieve tranquility and peace. They see contentment as the desired state.
Adventurers like Sir Richard Branson [a huge fan of him as well] live for the next big high that will give them the adrenalin rush that makes the living of life so worthwhile to them. Life simply makes them happy!
Who is right?
Who is wrong?
And is there a right or wrong way to live your life in the quest for that “feel good” state?
Is contented better than happy? Or is [insanely] happy the only way to go? [grin]
What do YOU reckon?
Say what you think HERE!
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Huge question. I’ll also look forward to reading the answers:-). I don’t have any.
Hi Joh
It IS a huge question! You won’t take a shot at it? I’m kind of leaning towards crazy HAPPY [I think] (((chuckles)))
Jean,
I feel a deep sense of contentment in my life right now. And it’s really a more internal sense of contentment…as in I’m okay with how life is unfolding…
And I’m also generally happy (although not always!). And I would also say that as I look back over my life, I have typically been this way. There have definitely been highs and lows along the way, though. And knowing the lows, it does makes the happy moments more meaningful.
Still, with all of that – being at a place currently of deeper internal contentment, that’s what is probably more meaningful to me. There is this sense of peace in my days…whether I’m happy or not. And it’s not that I’m always content with where I’m at – but that I’m “okay” with this life, this moment, this now….
And I’ll take that!
…which also feels like the crazy happy moments just reach a bit deeper into my soul…
An awesome, thought provoking post…Thanks so much Jean!
As for me,I don’t know about crazy happy,but the pursuit (which was originally supposed to mean practice,but now mis-interpreted as chasing) of happiness does take up a big part of my life…
and in this respect, a very big influence comes from Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book “How of Happiness”.
and I guess…in that pursuit,contentment has its role too,coz I have never found myself happy when I’ve been dis-satisfied with any aspect of my life.
Happiness is something that really inspires my life’s path…so, I think it’ll be really interesting to see others’ viewpoints on it.
btw…forgot to mention…
craaazy awesome painting up there
great work!
For me, it’s a bit of a word definition thing because “happiness” and “contentment” are almost the same thing to me. I love how it’s put by Mathieu Ricard in his book Happiness.
I think by blending these words, it still leaves room for some times when when one feels elated and the opposite of that but within a framework of happiness/contentment.
Deep topic.
It’s ironic that only this morning I was driving on the freeway and for no discernible reason these lines popped into my head:
Would you prefer a life without any sad?
I think there’s no such life to be had.
The behavioral scientist Stephen Pinker says that emotions evolves as the mechanisms used to set our highest level goals. Happiness makes us want to attain more; sadness makes us want to annihilate that which is making us sad. To early homo sapiens emotions were quite literally a survival mechanism, but now that survival is easier we can indulge our emotions and wallow in sadness, anger, fear and so on even as we’re aware than happiness is always there waiting for us if and when we choose it, and if we act to attain it. How we feel is a function of what we think about. Spend a lot of time thinking about the things we don’t have but want and it will bring us down, Think about what we have and we feel good. I’d rather have the entire spectrum of life’s experiences as long as I know that happiness is within my ability to seize it.
Lance… you are so very blessed. You hit the nail on the head in saying that your deep contentment underpins your happiness. I think that’s the desirable state that most people are hoping for. So great to have those crazy happy moments reaching deep! Thanks for stopping by to comment… always so great to see you here
Hi Gunja
Thanks so much for mentioning the cartoon. It was so much fun to do. In fact I filmed the painting of it… but then realised that the camera had switched itself off midway! But I do have some retrievable sections which I may post up here in the next couple of days.
I think you’re right. We do as a whole tend to get caught up in the pursuit of happiness if the proliferation of Happy Books is anything to go by. I like your idea of the “practice” of happiness. That makes perfect sense to me. If we live our lives being true to ourselves and doing [for the most part] the things we enjoy I believe happiness settles in.
Thanks so much for your thoughts. Always so great to have them
Hi John Mc
You’re right of course. Those two words are ideally blended. But I suspect there is a distinction in people’s minds if the pursuit of material wealth and the proliferation of “how to be happy” books is anything to go by! [grin]
I think there are still a lot of people who simply don’t get it…. searching endlessly for the next exciting fix that will hopefully deliver up that instant feel good feeling.
And then of course there are those who fully get it… but life circumstances [for one reason or another] prevent them from feeling the contentment that underpins the happiness. For them it’s the small precious moments of “happy” that enrich an otherwise challenging day to day existence.
Thanks for weighing in on this topic John. Deep… yes… but fun [nonetheless] to explore!
Hi John
How strange that those words popped into your head! You must have got my message then (((chuckles))) I’m with Stephen Pinker’s assessment… that emotions evolve as the mechanism to set our highest goals. We all have a comfort zone. That place where we might make compromises for our happiness [or otherwise] dependent upon how we feel. Success might make us wildly happy… but staying middle of the road might allow us to stay safe [and content with our lot]. You are so right in saying we are what we think about. And the entire spectrum of experiences is a good thing to shoot for. There is happiness when we’re out there experiencing life… for better or for worse. It isn’t always easy… but it makes us who we are. I think. Thanks for your thoughts 
I was on my way to post that my view is “happy” is an emotion, the opposite of which is “sad” … Contentment is a way of being, an attitude. Emotions come and go, high and low, but contentment (or discontentment) is an overall way of thinking about one’s life, so for me “contentment” is the ultimate goal. Of course, a little exhilarating happiness every now and then adds spice to life … and sadness is a given, bound to happen now and then. I see that John brought in a similar vein of thought.
Hi Nita
Yes… I think we’re all saying the same thing but in different ways. Great isn’t it? The only other thing I wonder though [and why I asked everyone to choose] is I don’t know whether the two might be mutually exclusive.
I think we can be contented but lack the spark of happiness. And we can be discontented but striving for contentment through snatched moments of happiness that come and go along the way.
I am thinking of the street person… who would probably love to be safe and warm [and content] but for him [or her] life is unsure. He contents himself with a meal taken with friends at the homeless shelter. Those few moments respite from the street give him a transient glimpse of happiness [and must seem like heaven on earth]. But it’s all relative I guess. I need to think about this some more but have to go now…
Thanks for stopping by and giving us your thoughts…
Oh boy… I just realised that I forgot to put straps on my guy’s parachute harness [above] check it out! No harness… no chute. Oops. Sorry ‘boot that! [I don't like the monk's chances now] LOL
I’ve heard of strapless gowns before, but strapless parachutes? That’s a new one.
In continuing to think about this it occurs to me that the attainment of both happiness and contentment are relatively modern concepts, reflections of a culture in which we’re raised to believe that day to day survival is a given. The current economic downturn notwithstanding, most of us in the “affluent” societies no longer struggle for food and shelter, and live instead to acquire the things we’ve been led to believe will make us happy (or content), a nice car, a bigger television set, an extra bedroom, a vacation cottage, a trip to Europe, a luxury cruise, enough extra money so we can give to charity, etc. Even artists succumb to the notion that the world owes them recognition and reward for their efforts, when the reward ought to lie in the work itself, and the degree to which it succeeds in expressing the artist’s intention.
A genuine artist, I believe, can never be happy, or content, or satisfied. To me art is the sharing of one’s unique experience of life through the metaphors of one’s chosen medium, but since experience is such a transitory and personal thing, and since metaphors only represent the experience without actually being it, the artist must always remain a bit unsatisfied, striving always to get it right the next time. It’s the artist’s very discontent that keeps him going.
But strapless parachutes are all the rage and de rigeur for thrill seekers everywhere John! I’d better fix this and repost before my little monk gets clobbered. [Not sure if clobbered is yet another aussi-ism but you know what I mean LOL]
What a great response John. It deserves time to ponder on… and I’ll get back to you soon. Thanks for your input here!
John I think you’re right that in today’s affluent societies we might become hoodwinked into thinking that happiness will come with the next big thing… whether that be a new car house holiday or whatever. It’s only when these material things fail to deliver and we’re left feeling empty that we start to wonder why.
From the artist’s viewpoint I think it’s important for artists to receive acknowledgment from society at large. Art and culture play an important role in civilising society. That needs to be nurtured.
But I take your point and agree wholeheartedly that the artist in his/her search for personal expression can never be fully satisfied with the effort. But it is FUN to keep trying even though we might fail to reach our own exacting expectations!
I do think that acknowledgment of the effort is required though… man cannot live on bread alone… and the artist [ever out there] continues to bring the best of what he or she is capable of to the table. Art makes people happy. For some perverse reason [grin] Especially good art… well meant. Which is what we must continue to aspire to.
Thanks again for your valued thoughts… always so great to talk to you
Great question. Since my blog is about finding our happy place, you might think I fall on the happy side of the question. But when I think of being happy, I don’t mean being in a tralala happy mood all the time. I think of a deep abiding joy, much like how you describe contentment. A set point or homepage or foundation on which we ground or center ourselves.
So which is better? It isn’t a question of both being okay or one being better. I think they are the same thing. If we are content, joy is a natural manifestation. Transient feelings of happiness, sadness, irritation, elation, etc., are the surface waves and are always changing and impermanent. If underneath we live in contented joy, then no matter what the waves are doing, we will return to our home base.
So I cheated on my answer and didn’t choose! They are the same!
Hi Galen
I love how you said that. And I couldn’t agree more! Thanks so much for visiting my blog. I enjoy your blog and know that it’s so much more than being tra-la- la happy [so love how you put that!] I hope you’ll stay awhile and join the conversation here as well… thanks again!
Jean, you do make me think! This is something I have wondered about but never quite articulated as well as you. Thank you for distinguishing so well between contentment and happiness…I have a Scottish friend, very wealthy man, and a serious thrill-seeker: fast cars and races, water sports, flying his helicopter….I always get so envious hearing his adventures but I wonder what he feels when he has just an ordinary day and none of those thrills planned ahead. It might be desperation. So a healthy balance (sorry I am not taking the easy answer here), I am not giving up one for the other and I tend to believe different personalities exude one more than the other in a given period of time. For me, happiness has been the primary feeling and contentment is the lower layer which is quietly keeping things afloat in case I do have a heavy fall
!
Hi Farnoosh
Oh I love that last line… you said that so well! And it’s just so true. We are all different. Not all thrill seekers who have everything are deeply discontented in an emotional sense. I think Richard Branson is a classic example of this. He’s such a well rounded guy who lives his life on full volume but gives as much as he gets [philanthropically] in so many different ways. And conversely there are people all over the planet living simple lives of subsistence who are deeply contented and generally happy with their lot. It’s all relative. Individual… and deeply personal.
Thanks Farnoosh for stopping by and commenting… it’s always so lovely to see you here!
Okay… there you go. The parachute harness is no longer strapless! (((chuckles)))
Delighted to see the harness attached to the poor guy.
Jean, I never suggested the artist should live without reward or acknowledgment. When I said the artist can never be fully satisfied I meant within him or herself, in terms of fully realizing his goal. I wasn’t talking about satisfaction coming in the form of material reward. Certainly the act of sharing, which is what the artist is all about, cries out for recognition of his gift.
Sorry John. I misunderstood [nothing unusual there!] (((chuckles)))
I guess I was responding to your prior remark that “even artists succumb to the notion that the world owes them recognition and reward for their efforts when the reward ought to lie in the work itself, and the degree to which it succeeds in expressing the artist’s intention”
I misinterpreted that to mean they should be able to stand on their own two feet [without feedback nurture or credit] which I now see is not what you were saying.
It’s a tough gig though isn’t it? Artists are a somewhat small and curious demographic. Most people I know don’t know how to respond. What that says about “what I do” I don’t even want to know [grin] except to say there will always be room for improvement. And who knows… even the great JSS might have felt the same way from time to time. Not that I would for one moment ever consider myself in such esteemed company… but while there’s life [and struggle] there’s hope… [and dreaming!] And if I keep on talking I may well just dig myself out the other side… (((chuckles)))
I was just mulling this over yesterday.
I even started mentally comparing different types of happiness (if there is such a thing) and trying to decide if, for example, riding my tricycle down the biggest hill in the neighborhood was more or less “happy” than, for example, the birth of my daughter, or… Possibly not the best use of one’s time! My favorite philosopher is Bertrand Russell, maybe because he’s one of the few I actually understand. His small book “The Conquest of Happiness” is one of my life handbooks, and might be worthwhile reading for others not familiar with that part of his oeuvre. Among other things, he addresses the subject of “boredom” in one of the chapters, and how important boredom is especially in the developing minds of children. Brilliant.
Hi Nick
I found an outline of the Conquest of Happiness online. Interesting. I think Russell is right in his assessment of boredom as a necessary breeding ground for contentment [and happiness] We all need mental/emotional space to simply “be”.
A good example is when kids are given everything and rushed around to activities… their every waking moment filled with some form of “growth” activity. Ultimately they lose the ability to be still… and to think and “imagine” for themselves. It’s amazing what dreams may come from a large cardboard box a pair of scissors and a roll of sticky tape on an otherwise boring wet day!
Generally speaking… we’re losing the ability to visualise and imagine as more and more technology comes into our lives. Our dreaming rights are being usurped! [grin] Perhaps when it’s all said and done… imagination is the breeding ground of happiness. If we can dream it we can do it. [Though sometimes that is easier said than done!] LOL
Thanks for your thoughts Nick… more pondering [grin]