funny

Christian Lander “Stuff White People Like” & Ben Pobjie 

I never knew that white people liked stuff that other people didn’t until last Saturday… but apparently it’s true. White people are unique!  Well that’s according to internet guru Christian Lander anyway… on his recently gone-viral tongue in cheek blog site Stuff White People Like.  

According to the Book
QUOTE  [They pretend to be unique, yet somehow they’re all exactly the same.  They are down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic sushi. They’re organic, ironic, and do not own TVs. You know who they are: They’re white people. And they’re here, and you’re gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here’s a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion] UNQUOTE

The book in question is (yes you guessed it) the recently released hard copy version of his wildly popular blog site Stuff White People Like. And it was being discussed in conversation with the author at the Sydney Writer’s Festival last weekend.

How I came to be in the audience is another story and… oh all right then if you insist ~grin~

About a month ago I thought “you know… I really should go to the Sydney Writer’s Festival”… then promptly forgot all about it. Then last Thursday I received an email offering me complimentary tickets to the Christian Lander session. I’d never heard of him. But in the spirit of following the Universe to it’s natural conclusion I thought… well heck… why not?

The World’s Largest Coathanger

I booked my flight for Saturday and set the alarm for an early start. The day dawned wet and incredibly windy. The tail end of the low pressure system that had wreaked havoc and brought wild weather to the coast had sent thousands of like minded people (all white no doubt like me) clammering for the airport.

Driving around in the dark with not a carpark in sight… I spotted a fluorescently-clad/torch-wielding gentleman who directed me with a wry smile to the farthest reaches of the long term car park.  

“Hope you’ve got a brolley!” he called after me.  

Don’t you just hate attempted good humour so early in the morning?

Negotiating the mud puddles on foot… in blinding rain and with my umbrella by now turned hopelessly inside out… I not only cursed the fact that I could have still been tucked up in bed… but also that I could have been dropped right to the door if I hadn’t been so damned stubborn about taking the car… *sigh*

By now thoroughly drenched… I stumbled into the terminal building… took my chances with electrocution at the check-in kiosk… and then headed for security. A couple of good humoured security people then decided to put me… my soggy carry-on and hysterically dilapidated umbrella through the hoops. And then for good measure and because they were being so funny… I scored the explosives test as well!  Bizarre isn’t it?  Why… when everything is too wet to strike a match some fool decides to look for explosives?   

That done… next stop was the ladies room for a quick buzz of the hair under the hand dryer. As you do. Funny how those things don’t stay on unless you’re drying your hands. I mean… how does it know if it’s your head or your hand stuck under there? But it does. Apparently. You know that don’t you?

After much ado about nothing… I made it onto the plane and arrived in Sydney late but relatively intact. My brother had enjoyed breakfast in the Qantas lounge while killing time waiting for the flight… and then we headed straight for the Writer’s Festival venue at the historical Heritage Pier in The Rocks. Even though it was still early… the multiple venues were packed and people were queuing along the wharves in a patient good natured manner (as they do).

Queues of perfectly ordinary white people – Heritage Pier Sydney

The conversation with Christian Lander and facilitated by NewMatilda resident satirist Ben Pobjie was both entertaining and enlightening. He’s a very funny guy despite how he looks. He can’t help it. He’s white.  They both were in fact.  I think it’s a conspiracy. *wink* LOL

More perfectly ordinary white people – (the book signing queue)

As the session drew to a close the audience was invited to queue for the book signing.  Barry turned to me and asked if I wanted to join the queue and get a copy.  What?  No way!  Not this little (white) girl (insert smug knowing smile)  I wouldn’t be seen dead in that queue!  

Not now… especially not now!  Not after what I’d just heard and knowing what I now know about white people and how they claim independent thought yet clump pretentiously together clammering after brand names and for whatever cause! ~grin~

Stragglers break ranks over a nice cup of coffee  

Seriously though (if only just for a minute) I couldn’t help but wonder about the irony of it all. How come so many (totally cool) white folks automatically fell into line? I mean… if being white means you’re unique… an individual… unwilling to follow the mob and accept the status quo… why then be seen in a queue?  *wink*

A puzzling phenomenon perhaps only the author could answer… but by now… he was simply too busy signing to comment!

It was a fun weekend.  And you will be happy to know that the flight home on Sunday night was completely uneventful. I recovered my car in the middle of a mud puddle in the far top corner of the (by now) empty carpark.  The parking attendant was nowhere in sight.  ((chuckles))

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