“Blue Day” watercolor & charcoal © 2011 Jean Burman
I give up.
Three little words we’ve all said at one time or another. Even if we didn’t say it out loud… I bet we’ve all thought it [if we're honest]
People don’t usually talk about stuff like this. It’s not cool to self indulge.
“Pull up your socks” they tell us… whoever THEY are.
“Just get on with it”… without ever saying what IT is!
“Get a grip”… but of WHAT?
“Chin up”… and all you’ll get is a crick in the neck [grin]
No-one tells you that.
And so today I GIVE UP… from the bottom of my heart.
That’s just how I feel.
And I want to be perfectly honest here.
Im-perfectly open.
It’s a risk… to make ourselves vulnerable. But life is full of risk. And today I simply don’t care.
That’s not to say that tomorrow won’t be better. Or that I might wake up to a bright new day with renewed energy and more of the tireless enthusiasm that has sustained me and underpinned my days for the past couple of years.
But for now I am tired. I am sick of trying. And overwhelmed by the immensity of life and the challenges that lie stretched out ahead.
Life is neither fair… nor just.
People let you down.
Dreams take too long.
And I am feeling the resistance.
Maybe I’ll go and squeeze out some paint and see what comes out of this emotion. It might just be the best thing I ever did. You never know.
Raw emotion can sometimes do that to you. It exposes itself. Makes real the experience brought to life on the paper. The feeling… dashed off in daubs of paint. The pain… creeps slowly across the wet sheet of paper and bleeds one color into the other.
Vincent did it. And Modigliani too. They painted [how] they felt not [what] they saw. They painted raw emotion. The sightless face. The bleak and tragic landscape. The lonely room. Bright but empty. The twisted and confused. The human landscape.
It’s there in history’s pages… the pain of life and loss. The journey started long ago stumbles ever onward toward an uncertain future.
The future. Where the meeting of the sadness and the truth of our life purpose… can [at last] make sense of what’s been lost.
I give up [for now]… and rest my case.
I’m exhausted.
Tomorrow I shall pick up the pieces and put them all back together again *sigh*
Living on Purpose is hard.
How about you?
Do you ever feel like giving up?
What discourages you?
And how do you pull yourself back together again?
Leave me a message here …
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